Missy By luck, I saw my world as a certified nutrition coach and a clinical psychology grad student collide in my second quarter of school. Before I continue, there are a lot of similarities between my studies and my work. Both aim to have clients and people live their best lives and how to reach their goals.
But what stood out to me the most, what made me love being a nutrition coach and what energized me to continue my studies, was the idea that we need to be compassionate to ourselves. We must be kind and treat ourselves how we want to treat our favorite person. We accept ourselves lovingly, and we then have the resources to change.
I am on a journey with this idea. For a long time, I have had an issue with my weight. Let me repeat that: I HAD AN ISSUE with my weight, not that I needed to. I constantly thought I needed to lose weight. There were no medical concerns. Looking at myself now as a coach, I would ask myself, why do you think you need to lose weight?
I might have said, I want to run faster! I want to eliminate this extra weight I don’t need as a runner. But if I am honest with myself, it was to reach this idealized picture of what I should look like. I wanted to emulate a beauty standard that was all around me.
As I worked through a wellness coaching certification, then a personal training certification, and then a nutrition certification, I slowly worked on these crazy goals that had no real impact on my life. I didn’t realize the feeling of being enough, but more on that later I wasn’t ready to submit, to release these ideals fully. I started to be honest with my “whys.” I began to change my focus on the journey and what I wanted to accomplish, like how strong I was getting in the gym or how I felt lighter on my feet to run longer.
It has not been a total liberation. My journey has ebbed and flowed. Right now, there is a lot of ebbing. It’s a struggle to focus on what my body can do now. I see myself lacking in who I aspire to be. I’m struggling with not feeling enough.
It made me reflect on my ableism, my self-identity, and my worth.
Last year, I got Covid and it sucked. I mean, really, really sucked. Once I had tested negative (after almost two weeks), I slowly transitioned back into my running. I took a few walks/runs, then short runs, but I never felt I got back into my groove. I felt lost. I realized that I had put so much value in my identity to run. Now that it was gone, what did I have left?
I wouldn’t say I liked this uncomfortable feeling.
How did I cope? How did I relieve these uncomfortable feelings?
Well, that is for another post. I just wanted to share that life is a journey. There are “ups & downs” and “peaks & valleys.” The work comes with accepting what is. There is no judgment on what is going on but observing. That is the tricky part.
